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"Excuse me, is this seat taken?" Startled, I look up into the most exquisite pair of eyes on the planet. OMG don't stare like that! These eyes are chocolate brown almonds. She has a dark olive complexion and thick curly long dark brown hair.Now don't go thinking I'm a lesbian, I'm not. I just enjoy watching people, all kinds. I love watching the elderly, so much life experience written on their faces. But I digress."Oh, oh yes, I mean no, sorry, I was miles away." We make our introductions her name is Lana. She tells me how she's new to Bohemia, just bought a little apartment a couple of blocks away. She's passed by the Monkeys a few times, today she was drawn in by the delicious smell of coffee and the sound of laughter. Well, over coffee and about thirty minutes, we're laughing, having fun getting to know each other. I like her.I tell her about my favourite haunts along Boundary street, we seem to have a similar passion for shopping. She tells me about a sexy pair of stilettos. The ego defends against love, not fear. Pain in relationships can be perversely comfortable pain, in that is one we know. We’re used to it. I once heard a tape by Ram Dass, an American spiritual teacher, in which he told of seeing a newspaper article about an abused baby being taken away from his mother. As a police matron tried to take the baby, he kept struggling to remain in his mother’s arms. Although his mother was the one who beat him, she was the one he knew. He was used to her. He wanted to remain in familiar territory.This story illustrates our relationship to our own egos. The ego is our pain, but it is what we know, and we resist moving out of it. The effort it takes to grow out of painful patterns often feels more uncomfortable than remaining within them. Personal growth can be painful, because it can make us feel ashamed and humiliated to face our own darkness. But the goal of personal growth is the journey out of dark emotional patterns that cause us pain, to those that.
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