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What’s a tribe? Was I a bear, an otter? Sure I had hair, the same sandy blonde color that grew on top of my head, but what’s the difference between the two? Did I like leather? And when I thought about it, I could see myself really enjoy topping but maybe I was a bottom? And why did everything in the gay community need a label?At first I didn’t post any pictures on the profile but that seemed to be a taboo, so despite my discomfort in the matter, I added an up to date photo. I didn’t think I was much to look at, but the men on my apps thought otherwise. Maybe I’m just used to my features. I don’t know, but one man described me as a young Paul Newman, which in my mind was an amazing compliment; he’s always been my biggest old Hollywood heartthrob.Yet despite all the work I put into making my profiles the best they could be, whenever my conversations with guys turned toward meeting up, I would chicken out. I knew I wanted to be with a man, but there’s a big difference between fantasy. None of this was herfault."I was beginning to see what my mother had meant when she said that I hadnothing to gain by meeting him. This was a sad story, and it was servingno purpose but to satisfy my curiosity and depress my poor father all overagain."I found a bedsit in town and used my contacts to find jobs as a cleaner,maid, whatever," he continued. "I came back every month or so for a while,dressed as a man, but I couldn't keep doing that. As you grew, became atoddler, I found it too hard to play with you and then leave. When youstarted to talk, you would ask about me when I wasn't there, wanting toknow where I was, when I would next be coming. I was starting to becometoo important to you. We both agreed a clean break was necessary. Ididn't want you to have a pervert in your life, especially not as yourfather..."We both protested at this description of himself."Maybe attitudes have changed," he admitted, "but we're talking aboutnearly twenty years ago, remember. That's.
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