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I ordered Mahi Mahi and he had a lobster. We talked about the kids and the summer coming to an end. he mention maybe next year he wouldn’t be so busy and we could take a family vacation. I knew that would never happen, he work always came before anything.As we talked about the kids I took a chance and said, "Bill, what would you think if I wanted to have another baby?" You know I always wanted more kids and now I am approaching mid-thirties and my biological clock is running out. How would you feel if I became pregnant one more time? I realized as I listened to myself I was saying it without implying I would need him to contribute. But the how was wiped away from my thinking when I realized there was no shock or surprise on his face. Rather his look was as if I just bent and broke his favorite golf club or hurt him in some other way. He stared off for a long time, collecting his thoughts I believed and then he just blurted out, “so whom have you been fucking?” He surprised me. I. I moved a bit and felt the thong attached to the nipple clamps stretch taut and tug at my nipples. Even with him not touching me I felt the way I was being punished. I felt the hot wetness on my own desire dripping from between my legs and knew that he would be watching for that. Could I stop it if I wanted or was I too far gone? Did I want him to see it so that I got punished? Those two simple words rattling around my head 24 hours a day – “Punish me”. Do I live for me, for him, for sex or for the sweet pain. I know that my pain is not excessive, it is not scarring mentally or physically, it is not unbearable, it is just aimed at my own tolerance levels. What do I like the most? The actual physical side or the anticipation? I function perfectly well away from him but when my mind wanders I start to wonder what will happen next time?, when will the next time be? Have I done anything that I shouldn’t have? Have I cum without him or his express command? Do I just find excuses.
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