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Not one to be daunted by adversity or common sense, Mr. Smith designed beautiful little fur hats to fit the 2,998 heads of his herd to mute their hearing. (A drunken Russian named Ivanovich had stomped two of the animals when he tripped over their reins, though they were totally innocent. Fred had declined to push the point with someone twice his size who also carried a very large knife.) Now, he thought, I have proved my idea, improved my design, and can rapidly become rich and besought by women who weigh less than I do. So on the fateful day of March 1, 1826, when a fur trader wanted to move $2,000 dollars worth of mink and beaver skins to the coast, and offered half the profit to anyone who could go where Angels feared to tread, Fred rushed in. Soon, piled high, with his team all eagerly jingling their tiny bells, and wearing their hats with holes in the tops for their crests, Fred Smith set out over the one thousand miles of ice, with sunlight scintillating, birds straining,. I wasthen put through a thorough exam to test my mental faculties. It seemsthat I retained all my learning and experiences. I was now a 5 year-oldwith the experience and intelligence I possessed at 25 years old. Myemotional state, however, was indeed closer to that of a 5 year-old. Mytantrums and impatience was evidence of that.After a week of measuring and testing, it became evident that my formulastill had that flaw, even with human subjects. Using my hair growth as ameasuring stick, we determined after 7 days that I had aged physically byalmost 17 months. That translates to growing up 1 year physically every5 days. After 2 weeks I had grown physically from 5 years old to approximately 8years old. The daily ritual of pulling that scrunchie out of my hair andmeasuring it confirmed that age estimate (I started wrapping my hair in alow ponytail with a rubber band after a week, but Denise was concernedthat it could damage my hair and effect the experiment. She introduced.
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