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At the time I didn't hear anything about these discussions, only the result. We had set our wedding to the 1st of May, and the last two weeks I had left the office to cash in on holidays I hadn't used. When I arrived at the church in good time, I was surprised to see my boss waiting for me in the doorway. He signalled me to come over. "I thought you should know before you tie the knot: I got what I wanted, and you can start again on the 15th of May. We'll talk later."Four happy years passed, except from the unhappy fact that Susan could not have children. We found out during the first year. The second year we gradually accepted this fact, and we focused a lot more on each other than most married couples do. We still fucked at least a couple of times a day, and we were quite infatuated with each other. Our sex became better and better. A few minor kinks crept in, but all in all we were quite normal, apart from our great needs.I had noticed whenever we were at a party, that Susan would. "It's OK, Tom. I understand. I ... I don't feel upset that you felt that way about me. You may ... you will ... probably ... have feelings like that again. Please don't feel guilty when ... if you do. In a way it's a compliment to me, you know?"I was grasping at straws, but somehow I had to keep him close. I mean, I had to keep him from running away from me. I mean, I don't want to lose him. I mean, DAMN, I don't know what I mean."No, Bev, you don't understand." He was acting as skittish as a deer. "I wasn't just turned on, I ... you know. Oh, Bev, I'm so sorry!" I told you it's OK."God, if I could only make myself believe that. Yeah, it was OK, like the sound of a bomb going off 50 feet away is OK, like the most intense orgasm of my entire life is OK."Really, it is OK. After what you've been through you've got to have some relief, some release. So go ahead and do it, and I ... I'll just ... accept it and be your ... friend."Stop fooling yourself, Bev. You know you want to give.
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