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Kleinshmidt?" No, thank you," said Carol. "Is there anything you wanted to ask me?" Jonathan was confused by the question."No, I uh, don't think so. I'm afraid that wasn't among Ms. Kleinschmidt's instructions. I could call her and check if you'd like." Carol began to laugh softly and Jonathan was more confused than ever. Had he missed out on something? Now, he was feeling humiliated."No, it's not that," said Carol. "Didn't you want to ask me out to dinner?" Jonathan couldn't decide whether to faint or run away in terror."Well, uh, of course I want to but I wouldn't presume you'd ever want to and company policy being what it is..." Of course I would," said Carol, "and hang company policy. It's violated all the time." She wrote on a card. "This is my address. Let's say eight o'clock Friday evening. I like sea food and Mexican cuisine. You can decide."Jonathan took Carol to a Mexican restaurant that served excellent seafood. After that, they seemed inseparable. Barely a month after. My doctor toldme that exposing myself to my class mates as a girl could be both goodand bad. One the one hand, their perception of a me dressed as a girlwould be shattered, while on the other hand it might lead them tomistake one desire for another; sex instead of compulsion. I managed tosurvive the rest of the school year, barely able to hang onto my selfesteem as I still struggled with the dual shame of exposure and rape.My mother had started to stop by once a week, and while I didn't throwher out, I also did not confide in her. My total lack of trust in herand dad over rode any love I had for her. Mary told me that mom wasalso struggling to find out why I wanted to be a girl, and had no way,no hand hold, to lift herself so she could find out. About the best itgot was when we could sit in the same room without one of us crying.Mom never mentioned my dad, and I didn't ask, although once, she didsay that he was becoming surly and angrier with each passing day. Whilemom was trying, my.
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