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I know that life continued, I ate, slept, I went to work, watched TV, I even went to my beloved Texas home football games down in Austin. But if I didn't have the ticket stubs, I would swear I hadn't even watched them on TV.I know I visited with friends and that family came to see me. But for the last six months, I retreated into a deep place where light has never been. If only, if only suicide wasn't a mortal sin--but like that old 60s song Last Kiss."She's gone to heaven so I got to be goodSo I can see my baby when I leave this world."Tonight is Christmas Eve, and I don't know how I'm going to make it through tomorrow. I've just returned from our midnight candlelight service at church. As we sang endless Christmas carols, something shattered. When my little candle was lit, it illuminated the dark cave of my life.I was singing one of Ginny's favorites, and when I couldn't hear Ginny's powerful, but always off-key, voice, my voice became husky. I lost the tune while the tears I'd. I was surprised in the morning that the sheets were still clean.When I woke, I jogged to the churchyard and back twice, then returned to the apartment. I showered and went to the kitchen. As she had the previous days, Karin made breakfast for me. Lars and Annika had already eaten and were getting ready for work when I sat down to eat breakfast. I said goodbye to them and Karin and I had the apartment to ourselves.“So, are you ready to talk?” Karin asked.“Yes, I am. I was ready when I got here, but I felt we should wait until we were alone and had as much time as we needed. Interruptions would not be helpful.”“Let’s clean up and then go into the living room. Unless, of course, you’d rather talk in bed,” she giggled.“The living room! You’re being a real tease, you know that?”“Of course I am! I know what I want. You. In my bed. Well, in me, actually. But I know we have to talk. First.”“First? It’s a foregone conclusion, then?”“For me it is. I guess that it’s not for you?” she said with.
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