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A big part of me wants to leave him as I understand our marriage will never be the same. Our love has lost its innocence. The wounds of betrayal still fester under the band-aides of hope and forgiveness.There is no point in hiding it, I want revenge. And I want it bad. I want to make Chris feel the same pain I did. I want to make him pay for what he did in every sense. He is going to suffer. He is going to cry.I'm going to break Chris.Only then can we begin to build each other up and realise what we have is worth saving.I'm going to sleep with another man. I want to know what it feels like to make love… no, not love. I want to know what it feels like to have sex. Hot dirty sex. Sex without commitment. Sex without strings. Chris did it. Why can't I?I will.I just need to know how best to go about it.~I started hanging out with the young guns at work. Socialising for Friday drinks with the sales team. There is a handsome mixed race guy called Jamal. He is clever and confident and all the. Oh my god, it's Beth!Ken felt as if the top of his head was about to blow off. He fought to stave off the nausea welling up within him. Out of nowhere, pangs of jealousy, outrage, and hurt suddenly struck him. The bilious taste in his mouth almost caused him to gag.Bible study, my eye, he thought.A mad urge to run full speed to the stage and sweep Beth away appeared suddenly within him, but then as quickly disappeared only to hide lurking just under the surface in the face of more distrust.What the fuck is she doing here? She told me she was at Bible study? But, no, she obviously is here... has she come here every Wednesday? On the phone, just today... she lied... how could she do this to me? How could she lie to me?Ken rubbed his temples and a new, perhaps better logic started to force its way into his mind.Maybe she doesn't know that she is here... maybe Beth is hypnotized... maybe she has been from the moment, she walked up on stage... maybe even before she ever arrived at this.
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