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Idid not realize it yet but I was her only "girlfriend", never mindthe fact that I was her son, a six year old boy. She began to treatme more and more like a friend. We would learn and practice what wehad seen on American Bandstand. Little by little I was loosing whatchance I had to become a son but I had an opening to become herfriend.I had never been much of an athlete and did few "guy" things. I hadno one to toss the ball with or go fishing with. My only role modelwas a young girl, not even a woman yet who because of me or at leastmy birth, withdrew from the world of the "big city" to a solitarylife in Southern Georgia. My mother had a great dislike for men. Theonly ones she ever tried to get close to either abandoned her or paidlittle or no attention to her. Whether she spoke of this or as achild I just picked it up, I don't really know. I do know that by anearly age my identity was more that of a female than a male. Isuppose this made our friendship easier.In the 1950s,. My mothercame home and I lied about falling on the stairs to get the bruise.Well, the punch did the trick for me. I never acted like a girl againfor a long time, all the way to my senior year in high school.I was not very popular with other guys in high school. I was notathletic and having money I was resented. I did have a lot of girlfriends though, but not in the romantic sense. I had one best friend,Kathy, that I pretended was my girlfriend in front of my parents. Wewould hold hands and act like we were involved around them, whichactually got me some approval from my father. In reality, Kathy actuallyliked me like that for a little while. She was my first kiss, and thatis when she knew I wasn't into her like that. I remember theconversation after."Didn't you like it?" she asked me."Yeah," I said, trying not to sound like I was lying."What's going on?" Kathy asked."Nothing." Are you gay?" she asked sincerely.I shook my head no, but I couldn't look her in the eyes. She.
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