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I shook off my adolescent daydreaming and noticed that Dirk was practically drooling. "Yeah, Shelia, that's the one." I wondered if she'd turned him down, too.I shouldered my bag and looked him in the eye. "Bite me, Dirk." I turned around and walked off without a backward glance."You're just frustrated because you want it, but it's not in your nature," he shouted out after me. I held up a hand and flipped him the bird."She needs to get some pussy," he muttered under his breath, sitting back at his desk."I think it's a phase he's going through, dear," elderly Mrs. Beermeir said, patting me on the hand as I passed by her. "Venus is approaching its equinox and Mars is at its zenith, you know." She had been cleaning the newspaper's offices for over 40 years. I think that's the only reason management tolerated her eccentricity. I found her quirkiness refreshing."Either that, or he's got something stuck up his ass," she added, an absent look on her face.I bit back a laugh and walked out the. I thought that bit with the paper and the folding was just style and safety, I would just have to be careful of the edge.Ok, so I wasn't Mr. Bad Assed Swordsman right off the bat. I took my practice in ones and twos, one at a time. I survived, because that is what I do, and zombies are dumb. It was almost accidental, a consequence of their instinctive groping for sustenance that led me to start taking off the grabbers first, and then go for the lop. It was hard not to become proficient with that Bad-Ass sword!I loved my kewl sword, it was genius. A real killing machine, even in my inexpert hands. Sharper than a ginzu knife, and twice as mean, I found the trick was to pull the cut a little, and it would go through like hot wire through butter. You do anything enough times, and you get good. I am just glad the Fabulous Ms. Tiger hadn't been watching my early game. But eventually I got good at the ol' 1-2-snicker-snack.I don't know much about the private lives of zombies, why they don't.
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