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At first I thought I was still in “trigger mode”, that place an operator goes mentally to suppress emotion, rely on reflex and training, and survive. But it wouldn’t turn off.Empathy for nearly everyone and everything had evaporated. I couldn’t identify with them at all. Only my children seemed to bring out any feelings. Compared to the dead grey space all around me, the children were spotlight of color. I don’t know if it’s love, but it’s what I have.They were my obligations.I’d had to invent “the mask”, the pretend “me” I wore in public. Because if they ever figured out what was left of me, somebody would realize how dangerous it was.I still had the training and reflexes they’d pounded into me. But little in the way of any human restraint. Basically a bundle of combat reflexes. But little else.Nobody realizes how dependent humans are on emotions. How much humans use them to interact with others. Human faces reflect them constantly. I had to constantly try to figure out what a real. And that wasn’t enough for me, and one day, one terrible day, I just snapped.”“How often do you check your messages, your email?”She hid her face from him, embarrassed.I check… all the time… to no avail...He held her close as he knew she was getting emotional again. For many long minutes they just sat there as she wept quietly.“God, you must think I’m such an idiot.”“Not at all. You need this, right? You hit rock bottom and you need to find a way out. If I can help you do that, then I’m happy.”She pulled back and looked him in his blue eyes.“Who the hell are you, anyway? Why are you doing this, how did you find me?”He chuckled a little. “I’m your fairy godmother.”She rolled her eyes and punched him lightly in the stomach. “Start talkin, mister.”“Ouch! Okay okay! Do you remember when you were in the ladies room last night, and a security guard talked to you?”She searched her memory… yes… she was being used by at least five or six girls. It disgusted her to remember her behavior. It.
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