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"Anyone here?"Still nothing.It took me a minute, standing there, before I saw the note taped to the microwave. At the mall, it said, {back by dinnertime. XXX}OK, that was fine. I went back to the diary. I had squirrels, big ones, in my gut. I also had a hard-on in my pants. I turned to the previous page. It had today's date on it.God, it began, I can't believe what I saw!My hands were shaking so hard the diary fell to the table. I stared at it as though it was a live grenade. In fact, I felt pretty much the same way I'd felt back in basic training when we'd done live grenade practice. That afternoon my hands were sweating so bad I could barely hang on to the thing, much less throw it. I was practically pissing in my pants at the time so it wasn't until afterwards that I felt sorry for the training NCO assigned to show us. After all, he had to sit there while 40 or so wet-behind-the-ears idiot kids played soldier pulling the pin out and throwing the things over the eight-foot blast. With a grim determination, Dr. Hopkins said, "Never again. I shall have my revenge upon these fools" and he broke out in a mild case of mad laughter, "Bwa ha ha ha ha", making sure to keep it quite, since even he wouldn't be rude enough to interfere with another mad scientists gloating, even if it was his greatest opponent. Or at least his greatest opponent for this week. As the group left, Dr. Hopkins kept going over ideas, trying to decide what would clinch his revenge among the group, restoring his status as the premier mad scientist in the club. He was lost in these thoughts all the way home. As he returned home, Dr. Hopkins glared at his condo in disgust. Why couldn't he have a proper mad scientists hope. This was so disrespectful, and humiliating, to live in such a horribly clean and nice place. But unfortunately, real estate being what it is, all the haunted mansions and old castles were too far out of his budget, and oh so hard to come by. Stepping inside, he.
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