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When you get to "The Closet," as it's called, it turns out your Welp-fu isn't as strong as you thought. The place is all dusty and musty. The back wall of the front counter is covered in old, dirty mirrors. The lights are dim and the floorboards are creaky. The aisles are stocked with frilly old lace things, heavily-used suits from decades forgotten, and masks. You're fucked. You look around for a mask, since a petticoat-corset-tophat-monocle combo isn't gonna work with your jeans.You see the cashier eyeing you eyeing all the junk hanging up in The Closet. You see your unadorned, regular self in the dozens of tarnished old mirrors behind her. She leans over the counter hard, squinting at you.You squint back.She beckons you with a curling finger, so you approach the counter. As you do, she pulls out a mirror from below, still leaning intensely over the counter-top."Here, try this on."The attendant is kinda creepy, wearing a half-mask over her eyes herself, but she offers real. Its like Susan just doesn't have a sex drive.A few weeks ago I got spam email for something called the 'Splitter'. Normally I would have deleted it, but I was desperate. The attached video never explained what the product was, just that it was designed to kick-start the sex drive of married couples who has 'lost that spark'. When I showed it to Susan she said it was probably just a porno, but since we had been offered an 'exclusive free offer' we might as well try.Two weeks later, here it was."Just open it," Susan said at last.I opened the package to find a hand written note and what looked like two Bluetooth ear pieces. Not really what we expected.She was expecting a porn dvd. I really thought it would some kinky sex toy. She picked up the note and read."Put the ear piece on and start fooling around," Susan said. "I get it, this is going to be some stupid phone sex gag. We start fucking and hit the button, then there is some woman on the other end talking dirty to us."Made since to.
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