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He let her cuddle in for a few moments, then helped her up and began to gather their clothing together, separating his from hers and carefully rebuilding barriers that helped them both stay sane. Hurt, she dressed and made her way behind him up the hill, and back into the car. He reached for her, pulling her into the seat next to him, and dropped a kiss on top of her head. He understood, if she didn’t, how hard it was going to be to go back to being just friends. He started the car, smiled at her, and suggested taking the long way home. Neither wanted the night to end, because in light there are no illusions. There are no soft shadows that hide what wants have exposed themselves to the light. When dawn came, they knew they would be separated again. So they drove the winding roads, holding hands, talking lightly of things that didn’t really matter because neither could say the things that did. Things like ‘I love you’, ‘It matters’ ‘It isn’t just a dream’. Both knew in that direction. So, he showed me how to be wild. When that wore off and I felt like my life was out of control, he let me think I was in control of everything--that the other women were my bailiwick, as if they had always been my idea. For a long time, he knew how to twist every impulse I had, good or bad, until it served to bind me more tightly to him."Ethan hadn't even realized he was reaching for her when Renee said, "Don't, Ethan. Don't touch me. If you touch me, I'm going to start crying and I want this shoot to be perfect." As she sat up straighter, Ethan saw the emotion disappear from her face and the reappearance of the mask of serenity that was so good he hadn't realized until now that it was a mask."Where are the dresses?" she asked, her voice calm and even."It's in the dressing room," said Ethan. "I'll show you..."Renee rose, "I'll find it. I don't want you to see the dress until it's on me."Sondra laughed, "That's not the way it usually works."Ethan whirled. He'd forgotten she was there..
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