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That is the nicest thing anyone could possibly say to me. Andy Taylor is my idol. To say that, for me, the sun rises and sets in Andy Taylor is true, but there is so much more. This woman truly saved my life. Had it not been for her, I would probably be dead right now, having died from having my insides rotted out with sexually-transmitted diseases."You see, when I first met her, I was a prostitute who would do anything with anyone for ever-diminishing amounts of money as the ... wear and tear, shall we say... ? began to catch up with me." What she doesn't say, though," Andy interjected, "is that I almost killed her. I brutally beat her for days, and degraded her in every way my sick mind could conceive." Andy shook her head slowly and added, "Why she didn't kill me when she had the chance is utterly beyond me."Sally and Dave were just watching the exchange in utter amazement. Then Bobbie said, "I think you both know it, too. Andy Taylor is one of God's most perfect creations. The. We assembled on the field where we broke into teams for, as if anyone needed to guess, dodgeball. Kids, of course, are the craftiest of Earth's creatures, and thus had no difficulty spotting me in the crowd; soon enough, in a roar of Darwinistic bloodlust, a red rubber ball screamed toward me and into my cheek, sending my glasses skyward and me to the ground. In my daze, I faintly heard someone exclaim, "Awesome shot, Derek!" I groggily grasped for my glasses and crawled to the "out" area, where I lied face-down on the grass for the rest of the afternoon.That evening, the entire camp was gathered in the log-cabin auditorium for a "Meet the Staff" assembly. The campers were calm, drained by the afternoon's activities and sedated by stomachfuls of "Welcome to Camp" spaghetti and meatballs. My stomach had been not-quite filled with "Welcome to Camp" bread sticks and water, in an effort to avoid the painful allergic reaction that would have inevitably followed the slightest consumption.
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