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I live in a reputed society and there are two watchmen in my society and day duty watchman and night duty watchman. One evening, as usual, I came back from my college and entered my society, when a man dressed in watchman’s uniform stood up swiftly and threw the half burnt cigarette that he was smoking from on the floor.Crushed it with the well polished black shoes he was wearing and saluted me. I observed him from head to toe wondering who he was! Barely looking 20 to 22 years old, he had neatly cut gelled and spiked hair, slight beard, slight moustache, whitish to fair skin complexion, slim to medium body with a muscular built and almost 6 ft tall. I asked him who he was. He said that he was the new night duty watchman of our society and introducing himself to me as Akshay as he gave me a smile.I could feel goose bumps all over my body. I did not know what was wrong with me and I had never been attracted to any men before this. Many days passed by. Akshay used to smoke a lot. Hell, it's not even mine; I'm living somebody else's life (whoever they are I hope to God they're happier than me).I hate college (school, sixth form, whatever you want to call it - it all just means bullying and humiliation to me; have anxiety, will travel). It crushes me. At least at home I can be some vague shadow of the person I believe myself to be, but I cannot be me at college. All I want to do is go there, stand in the middle of the field and shout,"I am a girl! My name is not Christopher!"and for everyone to go, "so that's what was wrong," and rally round me. Of course, it's not going to happen.I lie awake at night, planning the speech I would make to the masses in assembly. I dream of transition, of surgery, of hormones, of just being me, of life. My life at the moment is hell; my body is a twisted, mangled wreck. I hate it.I get depressed, a lot; in fact, it makes more sense to say that I occasionally feel okay, because my natural state is of self-hatred. I've.
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