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'I saw Mom grin when she heard Dr. Goldfarb call me Jenny and ask her toschedule another appointment.'Yes, Dr. Goldfarb, thank you so much.'Dr. Goldfarb turned and went back into her office. We hurried out. Therewas no conversation as we walked to the elevator and through the lobbyto the car. Mom found the ticket, paid the attendant and we drove out ofthe parking lot.'Well, don't keep me in suspense,' Mom said to me in the privacy of ourcar.'The problem wasn't with my being Jenny,' I explained, ' it was with mynot being prepared to deal with being found out. The solution is to waituntil I am ready. I don't' have to stop being a girl. From what Dr.Goldfarb explained, I couldn't if I wanted to. I just have to stop goingout as one for now.''Well, I'll certainly enjoy having Jenny around the house,' Mom saidcheerfully, 'and so will your sisters.' She thought for a moment. 'Andmaybe there is a way for you to enjoy going out.'I shook my head.'Been there, done that, too risky, no thank. Parties, drinking, social acceptance, they all seemed somehow unimportant. Despite that, a part of him yearned for that kind of ‘normal’ life. This dichotomy kept him in a constant state of unease around people. Jay had friends during that time but none very close, and although he dated a few girls he never felt comfortable in his own skin. He was drawn to athletics, but only excelled in the ones that didn’t earn the respect of his peers. In the small town he grew up in, if you didn’t play football, you weren’t really an athlete. Jay finally found his niche after he graduated, knowing the first time he picked up a guitar, it was what he was meant to do. Not only was it more socially acceptable than his previous hobbies, there was something about it that made him feel alive. When life simply became unbearable, he found solace in the endless hours of practice that honed his skills. During this time there were dozens of relationships (one of the perks of being a musician). Several.
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