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I will not be able to stop wondering when you will come to my room or ask me to join you. I thought about this all day. We either need to stop completely right now, or you need to let me know exactly what you expect from me. I want you to be happy, but I can’t just be on call whenever you feel you need me, not after last night. I won’t be able to stay in this house if I have to be near you and always wonder if you will want to be with me like that again. I’m afraid to even kiss your cheek because of what I may do.”John was right. I manipulated and used him to fill that empty spot in my life with little regard for the consequences. How could I have been so naive as to have thought that I would only have phone sex with John when I wanted to or believe that I could call him into my room or go to his room only when I was in the mood? We have been very physical with each other. Each time I allowed myself to go further than the time before. What about the next time? What would I be willing. After talking with Sophia I cropped the parts of interest of the recording and made a new CD At 20:00 o clock I locked the office and went to a bar ,I drunk 3 more whiskeys. In the mean time texts from Kathy and Niki wasn’t stopping ,Niki was asking for sorry etc ,but I didn’t even read them. It was 22:00 when I got home ,both girls were in the living room , Niki was devastated, laying at the triple couch ,her eyes were all red from crying ,Kathy seemed exhausted too ,laying at the double couch , she was wearing my t-shirt and my boxer . It took several seconds for Niki to get up ,once got up started to walk towards me, her walking was like a ducks walk, obviously her ass was in pain ,started to cry again and tried to hug me but I pushed her back and went to the couch ,said what’s up Kathy ,you wanted to smell me ? you are wearing my t-shirt and the boxers that my cock was in. Kathy said ‘don’t be stupid , I didn’t go home yet, I don’t have clothes here , I saw those at the laundry.
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