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Right from the start Sam seemed very capable and had picked up theproject quickly and was obviously on top of things. She complimented meon the plan I had put together and the files she had picked up gave her agood grip of what had already happened. Of course, I thought to myself,the project plan was pretty good in the first place. However, as was tobe expected, fresh issues had come up during the time I had been away,and we got stuck into those. It was good to work with someone as capableas Sam and we made quick progress on problem solving and coming up withsome excellent solutions.We broke for lunch and then worked through to about 4pm. I felt myselfflagging by this time and asked if we could call it a day then as I wasfeeling a little tired. I suggested we regroup tomorrow to finalise thedetails of the revised plan. Sam, I think, assumed I was tired from theinjury, but in reality I was really feeling the effects of my sessionsthe previous day and night. She was happy to agree and I. I tried to make it just that -- for two weeks. Now, however, a strange yearning drove me on. One that I feared, yet had to explore. I had to know. Was I a slut? Am I a slut. To be used by men for their enjoyment. I had to laugh, for I suddenly realized that this latter part was my marriage: Being used by hubby. The selfish bastard.KMart was coming back into view. Driving more carefully, more attentively, I switched lanes. The centre. The right. The turn lane.Fear gripped me.A quick glance over my left shoulder, a mighty jerk on the steering wheel, and I was propelling the car recklessly back into the line of traffic. I breathed a sigh of relief as I drove passed the store. Well, at least I made it passed! That's a good start. Right?Wrong.Mentally I kicked myself. Not once. Not twice. But several times. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to laugh -- hysterically. I wanted... I wanted to go through with this so badly it hurt. I was tired of thinking of the "what ifs". I was.
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