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Thats why I say theres nothing I can do for you he says and looks at me with a sad smile. I nod slowly. And I cant help myself from admiring this man. He knows what hes talking about, because he is right. Theres nothing he can do. I feel shame. Im ashamed of being who I am. Even my parents being two monsters, Im rich, Im healthy, apart from my head obviously… And still I cant live. There are people in the world living with so much less, so much… And I just cant be happy. I wish for death every single day… Im surprised about how much I was telling that man I just met. He is just there, listening. Looking like he understands me. We both stare at the tiny street down there. Its so peaceful up here. My mind is so quiet. I had already been there he says Once. Ready to jump just like you. Why? Many people died because of me. Are you a killer or something? Yes, and no. I mean, I have already killed people, but I dont do it for fun. I was negotiating the release of nine hostages in a bank. I discover you smiling and instantly know that you are also aware of the fact that this week is starting out with happiness and pleasure between the truest of friends. With less than an hour passing our cabins are in possession of empty suitcases, complete bedding for nine, and a kitchen full of food. A couple of the gals are buzzing around with exciting anticipation for heading down to the beach. Though, I am yearning for some solitude and the thought of a hot steamy shower brings with it thoughts of you. Before long, I am noticing that I have been given my wish of being alone. After placing away the luggage and organizing the cabin, I head out of doors for an interlude with nature. My soul yearns to take in the salty breeze as it kissing at my soon to be fleshy and swelling lips. And to capture the stunning green shades of my surroundings, as I take in the forest view, as it melts into becoming one with my mystic color changing eyes. Locking the solid door behind me, I head down.
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