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The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, “How are you doing? Are you happy here?”The cat yawns and stretches and says, “Oh, I’ve never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you’ve been sending over are the best!”The secret to a long life... A cowboy told his grandson the secret to a long life. He said. “You gotta sprinkle a little gunpowder on your oatmeal, see. If you do, you’ll live to nice ripe old age.”So, the young cowboy did this religiously every day, and sure enough, lived to be the nice ripe old age of 96.When he died, he left behind 4 children, 8 grandchildren, 15 great-grandchildren ... and a 16-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.Bad Mom?“Can you pleasehold my hand?” A mother asks her son: “Anton, do you think I’m a bad mom?”Son: “My name is Paul.”✧ ✧ ✧After the floodAfter 150 days off flooding, Noah released all the animals from his ark and commanded then to go forth and multiply.After some time, he saw that the flocks. I couldn't see, I couldn'tunderstand where I was, I couldn't defend myself.Spit landed just over my eyes impairing my vision briefly as the spittleturned pink on my skin where it merged with blood from my nose. Myvision was blurred as Kima turned our bodies round until I was lyingbeneath her on my back. Now she closed her hands around my throat abovemy collar."Submit!" she screamed into my face. "Submit!"I struggled and tried to tear her hands from my throat as she rested thefull weight of her body on me to keep me pinned in place, but I couldbarely see what I was doing. Everywhere was noise - a cacophony thatmade no sense. I was choking and I was in pain.I scratched jagged long marks down the sides of her arms with my nails,marks that would take a long time to heal, but I think she must havebeen impervious to the pain, boosted on adrenalin as I was."Submit, slut!" she screamed again.And I did. "No more..." was all I managed to say. Kima relaxed her gripon my throat so I could speak.
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