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He was a "big" sum-bitch, about six-six, maybe about 240 or so in weight. I first saw him in the book room, while perusing "reading material. It seemed that he appeared in the rows where I was shopping though he didn't approach me in any way. I was a little concerned, I wasn't old enough to be there and if any one checked I could get in trouble and word might get back to school. Man would I be up a creek without a paddle. Worst case would be if my mother heard. Anyway I worked my way back to the "booths", found my favorite and settled in to watch some action. I had watched about three tokens worth then my door opened and this huge sum-bitch stepped into the booth and closed the door behind him. He barely glanced down at me sitting on the chair he reached over and dropped a token into the slot. I literally didn't know how to react, me sitting there with my "willie" in my hand he glanced down as I tried to hide what I was doing 's okay' he said softly, then he reached. A lot of people have been hurt by suicide. I understand if you don’t want to talk about it with me. I’m NOT trying to get 500 emails begging me not to do it or 5 asshats giving advice on how to and telling me to Youtube it for their enjoyment.About two months into the initial phase of my illness is when I realized how fucked I truly was. At that point, they hadn’t found a reliable way for me to speak on a regular basis yet. I couldn’t work. Couldn’t pay enough attention to watch TV. Couldn’t write fiction. It was then I started thinking about suicide. You start asking questions. Just how bad am I willing to let it get before I say fuck it? What will living as a cripple cost my family vs living without me? Will my wife love me?I started drawing criteria. One is the ability to read. Reading makes life bearable. Aphasia hadn’t touched my ability to read even though it can so that was a positive. I even considered other modes of reading like learning braille. I didn’t know if Aphasia.
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