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The first time he’d paced like that, agonising, wretched, he’d told me he cared about me. Cared. The very next day he’d retreated completely. Licking old wounds. Putting up old walls. Retracting the sensitive underbelly he’d dared expose. To me. That’s what he didn’t want to face. Being hurt, and rejected. Just as I’d just rejected him. Steph, you fucking fool. I let my forehead fall against the windowpane with a clunk. The cool of the glass felt good against the burning heat of my skin. And I should be embarrassed. I was such an idiot. All the things I’d wanted him to say. He’d been ready to say them. And I’d shut him down. Walked out on him. It wasn’t Jarod who was running away from his feelings. It was me. * * * * * When I finally moved from my window, my body was stiff from standing so long. But I’d sifted through it all. Traced all the threads back to their origins. Underneath it all was sheer exhaustion, but it settled down on me as a sort of heavy peacefulness. What had. Are you sure you’re OK with me leaving on Tuesday to go to California? And with Elyse going along?”“You’ll be back on Friday, right?”“Yes. Don’t forget that Alejandra’s wedding is on Saturday.”“At the Catholic cathedral downtown?”“Yes. And then on Sunday we have Samantha’s graduation. That’s at St. Xavier University on 103rd.”“I’m sorry your Penguins lost,” Kara said. “We had all hoped that would cheer you up.”“Tara did a good job,” I chuckled. “She told me Samantha had called her with your connivance.”“She told you?”“I guessed. Don’t worry, Kara. I know the two of you are doing your best to help me. But who’s helping you?”“Kathy, and one of my ‘Chemistry Mafia’ friends, Janet. I need girls to talk to, just as you do!”“How did things go with the kids on Saturday?”“Not well. Ashley was crying when Jorge brought them back. She just doesn’t understand. I spent all afternoon cuddling her. Albert is angry, I think.”“I’m not sure what we can do about that except comfort them. The ball.
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