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She didnt miss a beat and asked me if I thought she was cute? I laid out my feelings from that night right there. I told her she is probably the prettiest female I have ever known. I told her I was even having feeling of lust for her just tonight and I immediately apologized and asked if she hated me for saying that I wanted her. She said "no", "actually I had to move out of your house because I was fantasizing about you" I was shocked. I didnt expect that. She told me she was seeing a councelor for it and her councelor suggested she move out of my house immediately. She then began to explain that those feelings are perfectly normal and we shouldnt feel any guilt about lusting for each other. We discussed what the he'll bro sis sex could possibly be like and the final conclusion was formed. It would be a perfect unconditional love mixed with lust and a full body pleasure since neither of us would really be interested in getting ourselves off but we would be extremely focused on. Me, I'm not so sure." Why do you say that?" I don't know. I'm just very conflicted. Like I don't know whoI am anymore. On the one hand, I like me as me. On the otherhand, this," I said, waving my hand up and down, "gives me aweirdly heightened sense of reality." Meaning?" I don't know. I've become much more aware of my surroundingssince I started." Why do you think that is?" I don't know. Fear? Like if I let down my guard, I'll be foundout and beaten to a pulp." I'd like you to try something this week. If and when you'redressed, try to just be in the moment. Don't think about. Justbe." Easier said that done, Julia." Just try." I'll try." Let's talk about Lisa. Why did you do this?" I told you," I said with exasperation. "Lisa's always beenthere for me, so now I'm there for her." Has she always been there for you?" Uh, yeah. I mean she took a week when my mom died, and shetotally helped me when my dad exploded when I came out." But, has she always been there for you? Has she been.
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