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His women's chest almost rose and fell as she breathed. 'It's all in the shading', his accompanying email read.'Okay, I will try it again'. I used his picture as a go by and remade Janice. The second one looked less like a generic Janice and more like a real person, but not Janice. The features were the same, but she was somehow much more than the photograph had been.I scanned it and then emailed it to Luis. It was so late that I was sure he wouldn't see it until the next day. I drifted into a late night adult chat room. It was a bore, but it passed some time till I was exhausted.I slept alone that Monday night. I missed Joan and Jose on one level, but not in the grand scheme of my life. So Tuesday I was off for my morning trike race before I fully realized the shit I had set in motion the day before. I was becoming a real person again. Church Camp had made that possible. They hadn't said, now you are real, but they made it happen nonetheless.I was just as real as Jeremy and Alice.. Friends, hobbies, exercise, outdoor activities, clubs, andparties. I had leisure time to read novels, write third-rate, flea-riddenstories for online fiction websites, cook, paint, try mountain biking. Ihad a great house. Why would I want to disturb this? Viewed in this light,a healthy, recovered, active Stephanie could be seen as an inconvenienceat best and a recidivistic risk at worst.Equally, I valued my relative moral position. I had been the victim. I hadbeen emasculated. I had lost everything. I had been committed to a nuthouse. I had been transformed into a maid. I had been sexually,physically, and psychologically abused at the hands of my wife. Her AwakeRoom and crib and hood paled in comparison to it all. Why imperil myrelatively clean conscience with denying her a chance to be cured?The first game ended. The ageless Tom Brady and New England Patriots wonyet again.I don't know why, but I slowly walked upstairs; no scampering this time. Iheaded to my bedroom; it had once been.
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