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Despite my need to hold you, love you and nurture you, I know that it is not a good thing if I do it. You will need a constant, unchanging hand to guide you through your life. As badly as I long for this, I know it can not be. I can not ask for your forgiveness, only for your understanding that I did what I thought was best for you. I treated your father badly for the last 2 years we were together. As I look back at the things I did to him, I now understand why he shut me out of his life. I tried to reduce him to less than a man. I threatened to have a baby by someone else. By all appearances it looked as if I had begun to follow through with my threats. Until you were born even I was not absolutely sure who your father was. One look told me. The man I left with that evening was not a good person. I only wanted to frighten your father and get him to agree to another approach to becoming pregnant. I was angry, not really at him, it was not his fault. I took out all my frustration. I asked his name and he said it was Dom short for Dominic, I told him my name was Dawn and that I was married, he said that’s ok I’m only buying you a drink! My friends were looking over and smiling at me and Sarah was like look at you getting fixed up with a toy boy. Dom said out of the blue do you want to come back to mine? I pointed to my wedding ring and he said so! That means nothing he won’t know.i said I couldn’t do that to Dave, I went and sat back down with the girls and they asked what went on I told them and they said do it, they said look he’s still looking over at you, just do it what could go wrong, Dave won’t know they said just tell him you stopped at mine said Sarah.i went back to the bar and said to Dom ok but you can’t say anything to anybody ok. He said that was fine with him.i waved to the girls and he took my hand and we left.we arrived at his apartment and he asked if I wanted a drink to calm my nerves, I’ll have a water please my mouth is dry, he replied it.
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