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She replied that she was not going to use it yet, but it was buried in the garage and she wanted it ready for when the weather warmed up. If it ever does.OK I said and went into her garage with her and moved a few things so that her mower was accessible.“I hope you are not in a rush,” she said. “Come in to the house for a cup of tea. I have got something else to ask you”Err ok I said. So we went into her kitchen, she put the kettle on and got out two cups.“Do you remember last year when I saw you in your shed?” she asked.Well she could be only referring to one thing so I nervously said yes I remembered.“Well I remember it as well,” she said. “Actually I think about it quite a lot, and do you know what else I think about?” she said.Err no I replied.“I think if I told your wife, you would be in a lot of trouble”Despite it being quite cold I could feel myself sweating. Would she tell her? How would you get that into a conversation? “ Hello, how are you? Going anywhere on holiday this. Could I continue and yet have no effect later, on their lives. Who is to say that some twenty years down the road Caitlyn doesn't remember what I did, today? She could scream rape, or molestation, by me. How would that be handled? More lies by me? More meddling in her mind? Would I have to involve more people, like the police, the courts, etc.?Where would all this stop? Look at what I have become in just this short time! What would I be like in twenty years, thirty years or more? I just couldn't let myself become such a monster. But, how could I curb this newly found appetite for having total control over people?I was reminded of Hamlet's soliloquy by Shakespeare. The one that starts:"To be, or not to be, that is the question:whether 'tis nobler in the mind to sufferthe slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,or to take arms against a sea of troubles,and by opposing, end them: to die, to sleepno more; and by a sleep, to say we endthe heart-ache, and the thousand natural shocksthat.
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