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The list of do's and don’ts were inculcated as part of my culture from the time of attaining puberty. It surely was way too long a list but these were the few I saw my mother abiding by and I too was made to abide by these values. I also saw my mother being physically beaten by my father even on 'mistakes', like excessive salt in food she used when she cooked at home. And when I was a little girl I used to console my mother, but she would tell me it’s the fate ordained by God for Muslim women to be beaten by their husbands. My immature mind could not understand why God had ordained beatings only for the fate of Muslim girls and not Muslim men? After all, males too committed mistakes and that included my brother.Our house comprised of two rooms; one was the bedroom while the other was a sitting/drawing room.I used to share my mother’s bedroom until the age of 9; but once I was given a hijab, I was sent to the other room on the pretext of late night reading. One night, my mother was. "Good girl, no knickers..." you tease, elongating the s, tying my hands in front of me. You gently pull me along, closer to the music.I hear you sit down. "Hungry?" you ask me softly while pulling me on your lap. The delicious smell I couldn't quite place before is now recognisable, as I feel you push a juicy, ripe strawberry against my lips. I open them and take a bite, enjoying its sweet and juicy texture. You tease me, holding it close to me for another bite, but then retracting it again to leave my mouth and tongue searching for it in vain. It makes me feel vulnerable as I can’t see you. Are you watching my mouth? You give me another bite... pull it away...my mouth slightly opened... I suddenly feel your mouth, your tongue. A pulse shoots down, instantly making me contract. Just as quickly as you kissed me, I feel the strawberry again. I take another bite, juice trickling down my chin, neck, onto my chest. I can’t wipe it off. “My hands…?” “No,” you say, instead sucking the juice.
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