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For a start, you’re not my two-timing husband.’ I looked at the clock over the door and it told me that it was ‘beer o’clock’, it told everyone that because it hasn’t moved in years. ‘Would you like a drink, the sun’s over the yardarm somewhere? I can do you a white wine, I think, actually I know I can, or else I can get something from my vast array of local and local beers. What’s your poison?’ ‘White wine would be lovely thank you.’ I went to the glass fronted fridge and selected a good drop and removed the screw cap. I poured us both a generous glass and handed hers to her. ‘Cheers.’ I raised my glass to her. ‘Cheers.’ She took a sip and her expression changed. ‘This is nice, not what I expected at all.’ ‘Did you expect that I’d serve up any old rubbish to my best customer?’ ‘Only customer.’ She corrected. ‘Well yes, now that you mention it.’ While we talked I was taking stuff out of the fridge and loading it onto a tray in readiness to take it to her room. There was the usual. ’ ‘Good. Well, let me give you some more advice. When I went to Cambridge, the ‘other place’ as you’ve no doubt been taught call it, I realised for the first time in my life that I could do a good poo when I wanted one, not when other people thought I should go. It hit me during the first term that there was no one waiting to give me castor oil or syrup of figs in a morning because I hadn’t ‘done’ anything. I learnt to go when I wanted and to take risks sometimes when need was ahead of want. A dump is certainly a necessity, Barnaby, but it can also be one of life’s greatest pleasures if you take the time to enjoy it when and where it suits you instead of at the dictates of other people.’ Barnaby was wide-eyed. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Suddenly he grew bold. ‘Have you ever had any accidents, Aunt Anne?’ Anne laughed. ‘Probably more than you’ve had hot dinners, Barnaby! I remember one incident at uni particularly well. During my time at Cambridge, Maggie Thatcher, the.
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