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.. get it over with. Now, she doesn't open-mouth kiss me anymore, just quick pecks at bedtime and when we are saying good-bye to one another. And I started to panic and reacted by becoming more aggressive about having sex. The more aggressive I became, the more she pulled away. It is a vicious cycle for sure. And now, here I am struggling to get a hard-on to even masturbate. I'll admit it. My ego is tied up in my cock. I feel like less of a man when I'm not having sex. Maybe that's just me. Am I a selfish asshole for getting upset because my wife won't have sex with me? Maybe I am. All I know for sure is I'm lonely in my marriage ... incredibly lonely.I am pretty desperate at this point - needing some kind of sexual release. I don't think I could ever cheat on my wife. Having never cheated or been cheated on, it just doesn't feel like an option. Looking for some way to feel better, I join Lush. It becomes my escape from reality and I begin reading and even writing stories about sex.I. It was pushing toward noon by the time I approached my third planned stop, and I heard gunfire coming from that direction. My excellent hearing made that possible. I pushed my horse into a run because that was the home of the Widow Thompson.As I came into sight of the farmhouse, I saw four White men riding around and shooting the place up. There was an occasional musket shot from the house, but I was pretty sure that the men were just toying with the woman who would have been hard pressed to defend herself against a serious attack.I had gotten into the habit of carrying both of my sawed-off shotguns slung from my saddle horn, so I drew one of them and cocked both hammers. The way the men were carrying on, they never noticed me when I rode up at full speed. As it happened, I approached the first rider from behind, and it did not occur to me to do anything but to let him have a load of buckshot into his kidneys. I have no idea how many slugs he got, but it was enough to kill him pretty.
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