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In all the times I had been with other young men, I had never felt quite the same as I would come to feel with Martin. I wanted to yield to and indulge him. In all sincerity, I wanted him as my child, which according to our ages would have made me a very enterprising little girl of nine. Never the less, on this first occasion of our loving, that is how I felt. Having mentioned that there had been a number of other young men, I suppose I have made myself sound like something of a slut. I do not seek to justify myself to you, but I do wish you to understand how this came about. I met Roy on campus when we were both eighteen, he studying engineering and I education. It was, as they say, ‘Love at first sight.’ Very quickly, we became lovers, and, eventually married. I suspect that there are few couples as devoted to each other as we were, and our great longing was for a child. It was a great joy, therefore, when I was able to tell Roy I was pregnant. As Shakespeare wrote, ‘One woe doth. I'd driven past the place many times, and I'd always been intrigued by it, and I wanted to go inside and see for myself what it was like; but I'd always driven on past each time I'd initially thought I'd go in---except finally, on a very hot and humid summer day in 1981, I pulled into the dusty gravel parking lot and, with my heart pounding in my chest and neck, I walked in through the front door!The first thing that I noticed about the place was the heavy aroma of cigarette smoke. The place seemed totally saturated in it. There were three of four other men there, all browsing around the shelves of VHS tapes and magazines. No one made eye contact with anyone else. They seemed nervous. I felt nervous as well! I'd never been to an adult bookstore, and I found the whole thing a little bit daunting! The ambience of pure, unadulterated sexual lust was palpable! It was almost overwhelming in it's unvarnished intensity; and yet, I found it strangely appealing!I browsed around for five or.
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