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Madeline nodded and pressed on.“You don’t stutter when you sing, just like that singer Mel Tillis.”“I know,” Tommy said brightly, “That’s why I like to sing.”That was good news to Maddie Dixon.“So sing with us, we could use a strong male voice.”Tommy was pleased as punch.“Sure, who do you want me to sound like, Conway Twitty or Johnny Cash?”Maddie grinned at his response; he had picked out a couple of tough acts to follow. Maddie decided to humor him.“My husband Leo is the choir’s basso, so why don’t you try to be a tenor like Conway.”Tommy’s new memory processing apparatus not only allowed him to easily remember songs, it also internalized musical styles. As a result, Tommy became an amazingly accurate mimic. It was amazing, because using his real voice, Tommy could not sing a lick. His natural singing voice was horrible, it was raspy and nasal, and when he used it, folks cringed.It was fortunate for Maddie Dixon that Conway Twitty had released a couple of gospel albums that Tommy. The Mushroom – She was pretty in a mousy sort of way, but she was even less motivated than Ms. No-Goals. She had no interest in the outdoors or really ever leaving her house to do much of anything. She didn't even like shopping. Fortunately she had a computer programming job where she could work from home most days and never leave the house until she ran out of Haagen-Dazs or Dove bars, and mostly she didn't. I gave her a couple of tries but she never wanted to do much of anything, and we'd always end up watching a Netflix movie at her home. I'm pretty sure she was borderline agoraphobic but she said she was happy with being a homebody.She also had a sex drive of almost zero and pulled back hard anytime I tried to go past first base. We sort of stayed friends, but without 'benefits'.29. Miss 'Thang' – I didn't believe it was possible but I met a woman even more self-absorbed than Ms. Perfect above! She had the attitude of 'my shit don't stink' permanently carved on her face. It was.
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