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When our first daughter, Mandy, was born, I cried. Everyone thought it was from joy, but only I knew the real reason. I couldn’t help feeling like a shitheel for what might have been. I knew now it may have been a mistake to abort my first. Looking at my newborn girl, I grieved over the life that never was. I don’t get involved in the argument of pro life or pro choice. What I feel is personal. In the long run it was Sandy’s choice, but I still to this day regret not discussing it more. There are certainly a lot of ‘what ifs’ and ‘could have beens’, but that doesn’t make the hurt go away. Two years later, Mae came along. The same feeling s of guilt haunted me. I had great wife and two beautiful daughters, but I grieved just the same. And again, time dulled the feeling, we lived a happy life, I would get passed this somehow. Sara was a great mother, she balanced the girls, a career and me. Sometimes she referred to me as her oldest child, and at times I did require more attention than. “And right after you dropped me off, too, slut!”“What can I say?” Becky said, shrugging. “He just had to have me, that’s all.”“And I can’t believe you wanted until TODAY to tell me you made it with your dad!” Stacey smacked Becky’s thigh. “What’s up with that?”“Well, we weren’t in the Circle, were we?”“Oh, please!”“Don’t ‘oh please’ me! You were late to the gym, AGAIN, and the locker room was full, and we weren’t alone, were we?” Becky replied. “Stacey, you know all those girls LIVE to gossip! I couldn’t risk bringing it up. You would have freaked out, they wanted the whole story, and… ”“With ALL the details. Yeah, you’re right.” Stacey saw the logic to that. “At least one of those nosy bitches would’ve stuck her nose in our business, that’s for sure!”“Believe me, it KILLED me to not be able to tell you.” “C’mon! It’s almost unbelievable!” Stacey said. “We all know your dad, Beck. What did you call him just the other day? Oh, yeah… skittish.”“Skittish,” Beth repeated, laughing,.
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