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An ethereal form, composed of pure thought and spirit.’ He smiles. I can see him both move and not move, speak and not speak. I’ve never been on a high this intense before, and it’s almost terrifying. I try to remind myself that I’m just stoned out of my gourd, that we never moved from the tiny enclosed space, but it’s not working very well anymore. ‘Imagine the breath that flows out of you is a stream of mist,’ he says, and I can see a silver liquid pouring out from his mouth as he speaks. I breathe out, and I can see my own stream flowing from me to mingle with his. ‘There we are,’ he says, his words causing ripples in the liquid as it pools in the air between us. ‘This is the breath of spirit, the astral force moving out to form your tulpa. That tulpa will become your perfected self, the you that you want to be.’ I keep exhaling. It seems like I don’t know how to breathe in anymore, and like it doesn’t matter if I do or not. The silver stream pours out endlessly, and the rippling. A night out in a club beneath flashing lights andpounding beats, there for the music and the energy and especially foreach other, kissing hungrily on the dance floor and tasting sweat andher hot breath.... Is that what normal people had? I focused on K'swords before I started to tingle again."At the same time work became increasingly... difficult. Even though weshared the same line of work there were many details of my then-currentassignments that I had to keep secret from Steven. Secrets are verydestructive to a relationship, Cindy. Believe me."Yeah, no shit, I thought morosely, while Cindy offered an affirmativenod."The stress of those assignments began to creep into my personal life aswell. When I was single I could release that tension in private withoutfear of hurting anyone. Living with Steven I found myself unsure how tocope with my stress. I couldn't share it with him and by then we wereall but living together and I found it difficult to find the privacy Ineeded to deal with.
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