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The chorus of voices in my head beating me down had calmed mostly with the understanding that I knew. I knew what I was and how worthless I was. Mom and Dad weren’t home. Brian was out still. I couldn’t work on the paper, I could barely focus on anything. I was truly alone. No friends nor family to make feel better, I wasn’t even supposed to see Mr. Gadsten. I would have done anything to have him pay attention to me. He could ply me with anything and fuck me any way he wanted if he’d just tell me I was pretty and smile at me. Suddenly that didn’t seem like a bad idea.The sky had gone overcast when I ran outside and over to the open garage, “Mr Gadsten?”“Yes, Bailey, what is it?”“Hi, uhm, do you need any help.”He inhaled a hiss of breath, “I don’t think that’s a good idea, honey.” He stepped closer and muttered low, “You remember what we talked about?”“Yeah, I- yeah, I just thought...”He shook his head, “Not now, honey. Trust me, we both know it’s better this way. For now, right?”“I,”. I told her all she had to do was look out the bedroom or kitchen window and she'd have seen me. Then I realised she had opened the bedroom curtains before she left and must have seen me. So I threw that in her face, and ripped right back, telling her she was manufacturing an argument. The rest of the night was all video and no audio.Sunday morning, we lay late. I tried to mend fences, but Jean seemed pre-occupied. I put my arm round her and tried to curl into her. She pushed my arm off, got out of bed and headed to the bathroom. It looked like this day was going to be a repeat of the previous night. I got up to make breakfast. Jean came up behind me in the kitchen and put her arms round my waist. She hugged close and said, "I'm sorry for all that. I'm just tired and stressed. I missed you so much." Me too. I love you, you know?" I know. Let's start today all over again."I turned, took her hand, and started back to the bedroom. Jean threw her head back and laughed. The sound lifted.
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