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I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned from teaching altogether."* The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.* A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" The man says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"* I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."* My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So, I had to go down to Goodwill to get all of her clothes back.Compliments of LarryOne hot summer day, Bruce came to town with his dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into the pub for a cold one.Some 20 minutes later, a cop entered the bar and asked, "Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside.... We got along well and I helped her get over it by just being there for her. After her divorce and during the next few years we became very close friends. She confided many things to me, that she knew I would not pass on to another soul, not even to my wife. We often hugged and we gave each other friendly kisses, just a hello or goodbye type of kiss - nothing more. We never went further than that, we thought we may only spoil the relationship if we ever took that step. I was married and wanted to stay that way, mainly for financial reasons. Two years after May’s divorce she met Nick, a nice man. I met him a few times as he also played tennis and I did get on quite well with him. May had told Nick about me and the close friendship we had. Before we knew it another year had passed and May and I were involved in many more enjoyable matches. Also, Nick and May got married. I was over the moon for May, I loved to see her happy. I was so glad she had found someone who would treat her right..
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