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‘Anshul, don’t look at me like that.’I reached over to her and ran my fingers through her hair. ‘You are such a tease,’ I told her as I kissed her on the cheek. I could feel her tense up. She stood up and said that she really should be going to bed. I grabbed her arm, slightly more forcefully than I intended and pulled her back down to the ground. ‘You’re not going anywhere little girl.’ Ankita tried to fight against my grip but it was no good, I was bigger and stronger than she was and she was in no position to argue with me.I wrestled her to the ground, pressing my lips against hers as I did. As she struggled underneath me I could feel my arousal growing. She must have felt it too, the look of fear growing on her face. I couldn’t believe I was going to do what I was about to do, but it was too late to stop now. I slapped her sharply across the face. ‘Do exactly what I tell you Ankita, and I won’t have to hurt you. You might even enjoy yourself.’ I raised my hand again, treating.. Grief that I had pushed back and back with sex, drugs, visits to the House in the Woods, grief that could no longer be contained, because there was nowhere else for it to go.Margaret found me bawling my eyes out on the sofa, hugging the card to my chest, not letting her have it back even when she snapped at me. I had resisted her before, but with full knowledge of the consequences. This time I wasn't conscious of what I was doing. Pain filled my heart with such depth and concentration I could hardly breathe.Margaret quickly realised that I was in a similar dark place to where I had been after my morphine binge. Never one to be ready with easy sympathy or affection, she touched my shoulder and I looked up at her, half blinded with tears, but recognising compassion in her eyes."I haven't got a mummy any more!" I wailed like an infant as another paroxysm seized my lungs.The truth was that Margaret knew as little about me as I knew about her. At first our relationship had been entirely.
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