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Main khush tha kyu ki 3 saal baad main unse milunga aur hum new years saath mein bitayenge.Uska flight raat ko 11:55 mein land hona tha.Main 11:30 baje tak airport pohoch gaya.35 minutes baad didi apne bete ke saath bahar ayi aur hum dono ne ek dusre ko dekha aur smile kiya.Wo mujhse 3 saal baad mil rahi hai usne paas akehi mujhe hug kiya aur kaha ke wo mujhe itna miss karti hai.Maine uske bete ko kiss kiya aur hum car ke taraf nikal gaye.Uska beta piche so raha tha aur wo aage baithi thi mere bagal mein.Hum dono ek dusre ko dekh rahe the aur smile kar rahe the kyu ki hum dono ek dusre ke nazar mein bohot badal gaye the.Riya didi maa banne ke baad aur zyada khubsurat ho gayi hai.Apne figure ko usne aj bhi maintain karke rakha hai.Aur wo bhi dekh rahi thi ke main bohot badal chuka hu.Didi ”bohot handsome ho gaye ho yaar tum” Main ”agar tum itni khubsurat rahogi to mujhe toh handsome rehna parega” aur maine aankh maar di.Wo hasne lagi.Main sirf usse yuhi flirt kar raha tha lekin uske. I had boiled everything down to a simple formula. I could live my life being owned or take my life and be free. Simple huh. So far I have decided that being owned is good enough for me until it isn’t any more.“How did my marring you screw that up?”“Our marriage fed the dream, I had everything worked out and my life, while not very pleasant was acceptable. I was ok with being a cunt. My problem is that I need to be used, otherwise I have no value. I could live with not being loved as long as I was needed, even if to be needed meant being a whore and a slut then here I am. Then the marriage made the dream a possibility and if it was possible then it could someday be a reality and that fucked everything up. Now nothing is simple anymore. Hope has reared its ugly head. The real pisser is that I understand in my head that the dream is only a fantasy because I can’t be loved, because no one will love a whore and a slut. But my heart wants to hang onto the dream. I hate you because you.
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