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I’ve been living on my own since I was sixteen. I have very little to do with my family.”“Sixteen! What do you mean you’ve been living on your own? What about this past summer? I thought Marilyn visited you at your parents?”Marilyn reached across the table and placed her hand on mine reassuringly. It calmed me quite a bit. “She did, sir. We stayed at my family’s house for a few days before going to the beach.” I glanced at her again, and then turned back. “Let me explain. I have told Marilyn everything about my family. I haven’t hidden anything from her. I wanted her to understand me.”“That’s true!” she chimed in. “Carl and I have had long talks about his family.”To what extent that mollified them, I don’t know. He came back with, “So, does that mean you ran away from home? Or did they throw you out?”I shrugged and gave a half smile. “A little bit of both, I guess. By the time I was sixteen it was really obvious I couldn’t stay, so I told my father I was leaving, and he could either. There can be no more. No more dreaming of the man I love. No more wanting him late at night, and needing his love to be thrust gently inside me. No more thinking of our bodies intertwined beneath the sheets of my bed. No more thoughts of kisses and soft caresses pressed against my aching flesh. No more wishing for his hands to roam eagerly over every inch of me. No more fantasizing of pianos and a home filled with love, safety, warmth, and family. All of these are merely dreams that can never be and if I hold onto them then I will never know peace. We will never be together and I know that, with every bit of my being, I know it but God, how do you let it all go? Something so strong and sure? How do you implore your heart of hearts to see reason and allow yourself to heal? How do you tell it to speak with your head and actually listen? To understand that this pain, this appalling heartache, could and will happen again if I continue to do this to myself. I know my dream is a warning.
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