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”I almost asked what she had to decide, but the ‘mindfulness’ discussion caused me to stop before the words crossed my lips. The last thing I wanted to do was create a new problem, reopen the wounds, or act like a jerk.“I’ll see you on Tuesday,” I said, then drained my coffee cup.She nodded, drained hers and we left the coffee shop. I headed back to the office to make one phone call, then went home to wait for Bethany who was supposed to arrive about 5:00pm.“Do you want me to get Jess by myself?” Kara asked.“No. The LAST thing I need to do is give Bethany priority over you or Jess. Doing THAT would be about the dumbest way to start out this new arrangement, don’t you think?”“I think she’d understand.”“I don’t want her to have to understand! If I don’t keep my priorities straight, everything will go straight to hell. I made the point that when Bethany gets here she has to focus on getting the Center running and on Nicholas. Once things settle into something of a routine, THEN the four. They all can be explained away ... can't they? It just could not be true.Shock-Those are HER in the email picture attachments! I am emotionally stunned, as if hit by a pole ax. If the dates are correct this goes back weeks, months! It feels like my heart has stopped beating, and I am unable to breath. Why would she do such a thing to me ... to us ... to our family!Denial-Ok it is not that serious, obviously a mistake, an error of some sort. Maybe it is her sister, photoshop, a joke, some type of prank. I can only recall our good times. Were they ever real? Or is this an unconscious attempt by my mind to protect me from the pain of loss?Anger-We are told Anger is a common response when faced with significant decisions in which a person has little or no perceived input and will have a potentially negative effect. These circumstances often generate feelings of helplessness, which can fuel an individual's anger. But I was not prepared for the white hot anger that blotted out even my.
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