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He was sitting in the chair next to mine. Our parents were sitting across the room with Joyie's Mom and Dad.Detective Lands finally reached over and took my left hand in his. His blue eyes reflecting the pain that I felt, he said, "You did your best. That's all you could do."Everyone had been saying that to me for the past hour. I wanted to believe them, but I wasn't convinced that there wasn't something else I could have done. The friend who was like a sister to me was in surgery, possibly dying, and I felt like it was my fault.Tears welled up inside me, but they wouldn't come out. Since going into the nurse mode while taking care of Joyie, I'd been unable to function in anything other than the calm collected manner that mimicked Mom's when she's handling a crisis.The minute the detective was gone, Mrs. Adkins came over and held out her arms to me. When I stood up, she hugged me tightly. Holding me, she kissed my head and whispered, "None of this is your fault, Sweetie."I saw Dr.. Downstairs, she make herself a sandwich and a cup of tea before curling up on the couch to watch some television. There was, as usual, nothing of note on the goggle box, but she spent a pleasant half-hour watching some makeover programme. It was a pleasure just to be herself. To be sitting there with her legs curled under her, wearing a skirt and being at peace with the world. It was a pleasure just to be. It was an inner peace she only found by being true to her self.She spent the rest of the afternoon in her sister's room, trying on various dresses and skirts and outfits. Some looks worked better for her than others but that was the way of things. At 4.30 she reluctantly changed out of the clothes she was wearing - a denim skirt and t-shirt - and put everything away. She had a quick shower, trying not to touch or look at her boy-thing, and dressed in her boy-clothes. She immediately felt the dull-black cloud of depression settle once again on her young shoulders.She was lying on her.
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