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And that was how I felt, for the first time in a long time.The next day was Thursday and, when I got to school, I couldn't wait to see Russell. I wanted to hug him and kiss him and show him off to my friends. I went over by the newspaper office because I knew he hung out there a lot. It was locked and I was bummed, but then I heard his voice."Justine?" Russell said, looking flustered. "You need a newspaper?" No, silly, " I said, and I threw my arms around him and kissed him hard. He kissed me back, but not like before. And he wasn't hugging me either. He looked... scared or something."What's the matter?" I asked. That was when I noticed that he was looking over my shoulder, like there was a train coming at us. So I looked too, but it was Molly Benjamin, and she was with Katrina and Aaron and some of my other friends."What the fuck are you doing, Justine?" Molly asked. "Oh, I guess it's Kiss-a-Nerd Day. And I missed it. Bummer." Molly... what do you mean? This is Russell. You know. " Well what about your dress up games, will you, can you give that up? I meanperhaps we could sort of play if the kids are away for school or something." Why are we having this conversation Luce? I would never let the kids findout and I got the impression you actually enjoyed it when you were here."She snickered. "Yes I did but I don't want the kids to find out. They lookup to you especially since the visit. They see this wonderful life you havecreated and they admire you. It is making it hard for me because they holdme responsible for us all being apart."I sighed. "I don't have an easy answer Luce. I don't want to make life hardfor you. I will be honest. The dressing up is not something I can just stop.I have already promised that I would try, but I suppressed that for yearsand eventually I couldn't hold it back. All I can promise is I would try andif you can work with me so that I can indulge occasionally then we can makeit work." I stumbled hesitantly. "Luce what I can promise is.
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