) His rational mind is reluctant to name the object of his desire as Daddy, because the thought of sex with his own father is repulsive. And he wants to be seen as an equal partner in relationships, not some kind of “kept boy.” Nevertheless, he can’t deny that his strongest sexual arousal kicks in when he receives praise for being a “good boy” while pleasuring a partner he’s dared to call “Daddy.”“Daddy” and “boy” name states of mind and don’t necessarily signify age difference. Likewise, not all intergenerational relationships operate on a daddy/boy basis. Still, there is a big connection between the two. In his 1975 study The Homosexual Matrix, psychologist Clarence Tripp offered an astute analysis of relationships, asserting that the emotional side requires rapport (similarity) and the sexual requires contrast (difference). Men and women are sufficiently different to give heterosexual relationships an automatic charge; gay relationships often thrive when sharp variations in age,. I thought to myself, "Why did I dream of the other men and yet Jack was the only one I knew?" What does this mean? Why was everyone wearing a mask? Why didn't I ever take my mask off?"I thought about these questions as I lay in my bed. I thought about the parallels between my dream to my reality. I would never do any of those things. I wear this 'good girl' mask, always. I keep everyone at arm's length. My mom died when I was a young teenager, and my dad didn't know how to handle it. He turned to whiskey and left me to my own devices. I learned very quickly that guys don't care about you or your grief if they can get you into their bed. I've hidden behind this mask and these modest unbecoming clothes since I was sixteen. Now at twenty-five, I finally met someone who has made me want to show him the real me."Can I do this? Am I able to let this mask go and be who I really am? Will he see me as more than just a salesclerk?"I jumped out of my bed and went to my closet. Hidden in a box.
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