She knew she was ready, actually, but she wanted to make sure that she would be GOOD. She didn't want to get into bed with the guy and find out that he didn't like her because she didn't know what she was doing. She wanted to make sure that she was on an even keel with him, that he didn't know a hell of a lot more than she did about the real McCoy.To do so, to inform herself, she made a quick stop at her local, neighborhood adult bookstore. She walked up and down the isles, wearing her shorts and her loose open blouse, looking for the right books, the right pictures which would inform her as to the way that real sex is made. She saw photos of young men sucking out the insides of lovely young girls and she felt her heart skip a beat just from the sight of the stuff. She saw pictures of women with their fingers up their pussies and she knew for sure that they were having just as good a time at it (even though they were in front of a camera) as she had when she was home masturbating.. She knew Brad had pulled some more favors owed to him and had taken away everything from her. She walked down the side walk and sat in front of her children’s school where she could catch glimpses of them and then she would sit in front of Brad’s house where the nanny would play with Jenny in the specially built playground that actually had rides and merry go rounds in it. This became a daily way of living for Carol who made her bed in the alley with the other homeless people after every place in town turned her down for work. For the next fifteen years she spent watching her children grow from afar. She never missed a Christmas and even slipped into the Christmas Caroler’s so she could sneak a look at her babies up close as they stood in the door listening to the singing. She would do chores for people to earn money for food, but she would not leave town knowing that was what he wanted to take away the times she could sneak a look at her beloved children. The young girl stood at.
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