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"A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all..." Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you."The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."Two reasons why it's so hard to solve a redneck murder:1. The DNA all matches.2. There are no dental records.A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"The agent replies, "Just a minute." Thank you!" the blonde says, and hangs up.Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez."How was he killed?" asked one detective."With a golf gun," the other detective. She suggested to the Colonel that she should be brought in with the other women, and made to kneel and suck him."But then they will see that you know what to expect." Oh, that's no problem," she commented, "I'll just line up with the other women and will not say anything to them." That is what I expected you to promise," replied the Colonel, "What worries me is that you might persuade all the women to revolt by refusing to perform and telling them not to cooperate. While that would not present much of a problem, and many of the officers might prefer to fight to achieve their conquests, it could injure my reputation as an officer who can be trusted to organise any kind of operation efficiently." I will be good, I promise."The Colonel considered this, and then spoke to her very firmly, threatening dire, but unspecified consequences if she disobeyed and gave any hint to the others of what might happen on the morning after the dinner. Reassured again by Jane, he grudgingly allowed her to.
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