She saw it the next day. She was hurt but my plan failed. I know that was ridiculously stupid. The shame you feel after hurting yourself to cope is difficult to deal with and I’ll be honest and say that the shame sometimes made me feel so bad that I actually harmed myself twice in the space of a few minutes. The term vicious cycle has been used to describe self-harm. I completely agree. It’s exactly the right term to use. You feel bad, you cut. You feel bad about cutting, you start to feel worse. And you cut again. And it keeps on going, and going, and going... It’s very hard to explain and incredibly difficult for people to comprehend but hurting yourself is very addictive. I have no idea why but that’s the only word that I can find to at least try to explain. People often mistake is as a suicide attempt but that’s just because the most common place to cut is arms. It’s not about dying, it really isn’t. It can be a cry for help but for most it’s to help cope with. Locked eyes immediately. Eh.Tall, skinny, pale, buzz cut. Average. There was something about his awkward stance that kind of turned me on. Oh well. Probably won't ever see him again anyway.Ha.Get back with our groceries and as we're unloading to the 3rd floor, neighbor just so happens to pull in right beside us. I smiled. He nodded. Okay, he's pretty cute I guess.Heading up the stairs and a bag rips. My boyfriend is conveniently nowhere to be found. Great. I turn around and find my neighbor helping me pick up. It was one of those corny movie moments where they touch and felt sparks. Well in my case, I felt wet. OOPS!I never care to look cute but this day I had a skirt on. Panties were in the dryer so again, OOPS! Not even thinking, I bend over on the stairs and expose my entire ass! He laughed and I told him how sorry and embarrassed I was. He handed me a can and said, "no, trust me. It's okay. " I gave him a glance and he gave me one back. I had to have him. Just to say I did..
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