Also, above her chest, I can’t see a blouse or top, I can only see the white coat but no other clothes. I start to wonder if she might only be wearing underwear below that coat. As I’m sitting thinking those things, she asks me, ‘Well, Mike, how may I help you? Can you describe exactly what is happening?’ Suddenly, I have to come back to reality. I start to explain: ‘Well, I have an intense pain down here, in my testicles,’ and I point to then. ‘That has extended, in the last few days, to my anus and also to my penis. To be honest, I’m really worried about it.’ ‘Ok, don’t worry, I will take a look. I’m sure that we’ll find the cause. I shall need to examine the area. Please, would you mind taking off your pants?’ As she asks, I go to the couch and take off my pants. ‘Please, take down your shorts and lay down in the couch,’ she directs. She puts on plastic gloves and I feel her start to touch my buttocks, whilst asking me where I feel pain. After a minute or so of touching me there,. ."It's the pampas grass that lets them know" says one old biddy"Really" her friend says in horror"Yes, pampas grass means that they you know..swing"Well, a junior reporter I might have been but I knew they weren’t talking about garden furniture. Listening more closely I heard them talk abouta secret swingers network that had taken over the newly built ‘executive’ estate at the north end of the village. Now there was a story.I dreamed on a bit about seeing my name on the by-line of a national 'Top reporter probes the dark underside of suburbia', ‘Award winning journalist gets the story’, well why not, everyone has to start somewhere. The next day I brought it up with my Ed who didn't sound too impressed but to humour me he gave me the green light to investigate.I wasn't too sure where to start, I mean, did I wander the streets of k**erton looking for pampas grass then knock on the door saying "Hi my name is Jenny, do you want to swing?"Somehow I doubted that’s how the News of the World.
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