I could not now account for my course of action, or why I did this or said that my conduct seems strange, foolish, absurd, very frequently, that of some women equally so, but I can but state what did occur.In a few cases, I have, for what even seems to be very strange, suggested reasons or causes; but only where the facts seem by themselves to be very improbable, but have not exaggerated anything willingly. When I have named the number of times I have fucked a woman in my youth, I may occasionally be in error, it is difficult to be quite accurate on such points after a lapse of time. But as before said, in many cases, the incidents were written down a few weeks and often within a few days after they occurred. I do not attempt to pose as a Hercules in copulation, there are quite sufficient braggarts on that head, much intercourse with gay women, and doctors, makes me doubt the wonderful feats in coition some men tell of.I have one fear about publicity, it is that of having done a few. My evasions only made the chasesweeter for him, for he must have seen through them and recognised mysexuality without me ever having to come out to him. His leastattractive trait, for he was funny, clever, unassuming and polite, was alittle unconscious arrogance and superiority. Part of that manifesteditself in an often, privately spoken promise that, 'I will have you,Michael, before your time in Berlin is done.'His wooing of me was charming, discreet and very persistent.Six months later, when the European winter was bitter and eye-catchingat the same time, he got me drunk and finally cornered me on a plushsettee in the family's lodge on the banks of the Havelsee. He made hisexcuses for both of us when the family was heading for a city centremeal and theatre trip, then made his decisive move.As much as I firmly protested, he gently persisted, until his lips wereon mine, his hands were exploring my legs and chest and arousal throughmy clothes. I started by telling myself that If I.
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