The only time I ever got wood there was when the teenaged girls that work there cornered me and asked to see it. I was relieved to find later that it was only there that I had that problem when I was working.”By the time I finished answering his questions and trying to get him to laugh by telling him about needing to go to a tent and awning company to get custom bras, Erin was coming back into the living room.Erin seems like she still doesn’t have a clue what all is going on.The woman saw that too, so in her soothing and calming voice she told Erin, “Miss Porter ... Sorry, Erin. I work for the state police sex crimes division. We received an extremely large quantity of images and videos from an unknown source. Each one had meta data with the names, addresses at the time it as created, and current addresses for every man, woman, and child in them. I’m really sorry to tell you that based on my examination of your genitals, we have positively verified that you are in some of those. One of the runners collapses and the sleigh smashes it into a snowbank. The elves rush to sleigh and roll it off the old elf.Santa slowly tries to stand up. He looks like the night had not gone as planned. Part of his fur is missing from his suit, his coat is open, the right sleeve is torn off at the shoulder, and he is missing his left boot.“Holy Crap, what a night,” he howls.“What happened?” they all ask."How long was I gone?” he bellows. “Check the sleighs chronometer. A normal Christmas I should have only had to stop time for 13 to 14 days!”Scurrying over to the sleigh, one of the elves examines it's time-shifting chronometer. “Oh My Word! It says you've been gone for 103 days!”Straightening himself fully upright, Santa looks at elves. “It seems someone programmed in a few new deliveries into my system,” he growls. “I was making stops for a number of Naughty Little Girls!"A collective gasp comes from the elves.Santa looks over the gathering crowd of elves, “Who was responsible.
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