Not once, in later life was the subject ever brought up. Not once, either, did I ever try again to peep at Beth.Beth and I both finished growing up. I went to college and so did Beth. After we finished college, I got a job in Los Angeles and Beth in Philadelphia. We saw each other only on visits back to the farm, and gradually we drifted apart, with occasional letters being our only contact.Neither of us married. I don't know what reason Beth had for staying single, but my reason was shyness around girls and a rather plain appearance. Also, in my mind the ideal girl was one just like Beth, and I could never find a girl that measured up to her standards. We may have no longer been close to each other, but Beth was still very much in my mind. In my pleasure fantasies, it was still Beth I pictured. She was my standard for female perfection and was the subject of all my masturbatory dreams. I continued to keep a big-as- life picture in my mind of how she would have looked if I had been. My blankets and pillows waited expectantly on the couch and I burrowed back into them. Esther laid herself down on the floor beside me where I could reach for her if I needed to. Sleep eventually took me but images of golden-haired babies haunted my dreams. ~*~ I woke up to bright light and the faint sound of a piano. I had forgotten to close the curtains the night before and the morning sunlight reflected off the freshly fallen snow with blinding brightness, which meant the skies were clear. The music came from upstairs and was something classical I recognized, Bach maybe, or Mozart. At any rate, it was beautiful. It was the smell of fresh coffee, not the music or the light in my face, which drew me up from my cocoon of blankets. I followed the scent to the kitchen where an old-fashioned percolator sat on top of the woodstove, bubbling away. On the table lay a plate of carrot muffins, along with a sugar bowl and a small, porcelain jug of cream. I poured myself a coffee and sat with.
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